Waking Up

I had my first brain spotting session on Tuesday. Even though I read up on it and the therapist explained the process, I didn’t know how I would react. Would it work?

"Brainspotting focuses the eye on a fixed gaze position . . . is based on the profound attunement of the therapist with the patient, finding a somatic cue and extinguishing it by down-regulating the amygdala.

Here’s a brief recap of what happended during the session. I let go of a childhood trauma that I couldn’t remember all the details. I felt it slip away. The next morning I had another breakthrough, I knew who the trauma belonged to and I lovingly returned it back to that person.

Another issue we worked with I could feel it on the left side of my body, particularly my neck and shoulder. My body felt unbalanced. A distinct heaviness on my left side, right side felt lighter, almost nonexistent. As the session progressed I could feel my body leveling out. My inner child appeared, she was quite young, probably around 3 or 4. She told me she was very tired. I was able to release her as much as I could. She has been protecting me. I couldn’t let her go completely but I am getting close!!! The next morning when I was waking up my inner child came back and put into words what I have not been able to, very simple, I said out loud, I am scared. A word I have not used, even during Richard’s illness. It felt like a relief to say that word, SCARED!

I came to understand with a deep calmness that my path right now is walking with Sophie, caring for her. I don’t know when the time will come for me to say goodbye but it is always on my mind. When she is gone I will be walking through a new door, a new chapter in my life, I will be alone, no Richard, no fur baby, for the first time in 30 years. No wonder I am scared!!

I saw my path, my footprints, Sophie’s paw prints, and a swan. “If swan has glided into your path, she will help you find new ways of thinking, breathing, and going with the flow. She asks that you accept your ability to know what lies ahead..”

It’s been a couple of days now since my session. I feel like I am slowly waking up. I have been feeling a calmness, my head isn’t full of chatter, I am feeling more positive, I recalled a couple of people’s last names very easily which was astounding for me!!! Even using the word astounding! I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like my brain is waking up!!!!

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