What does it mean to you?
Grief never goes away, we all know that. It changes. I am in my third year. In some ways it seems much longer. When I look over the last three years, which we will admit 2020 and 2021 were not normal ones, there have been so many changes in my life. There was a period last year where I was in a deep state of depression. I sought help and slowly came out of that dark hole.
A big shift happened late December/beginning of January. I am beginning to feel like myself again, the old me, happy. When I told my sister I was feeling happy, I was afraid to say it out loud. I told her, if I admit it, something will come along and knock me down. So far, nothing has done that! Sure, there have been moments where the cloud floats over me but I am learning to acknowledge that energy, send it love and send it on its way.
On a walk earlier this week I was feeling that loneliness again. I listened. What I acknowledged, my husband is gone from this earthly world, our life together on this plane is gone, my old home is no more, my life is different. I said goodbye and closed that chapter. In order for me to continue to move into happiness and my new life, I had to shut that door. The memories will always be there, my husband will always be with me in spirit.
I am venturing out and meeting new people, making new friends. It is scary, being vulnerable is not easy, meeting people who have a different lifestyle than you do, and one I admire, is challenging . Freedom, friendship, travel, living life, are what I put on my vision board for 2022, ha, be careful what you “wish for” “manifest”! Be ready to accept the challenges!